Split the Room!

Ever noticed how easy it is to just live through a day unnoticed? I have... and i know for sure it does not do me any justice. It is easy and somehow comforting to never comment, complain or even compliment. I mean you just have to live around the cliched see no evil, hear no evil and you're good to go. Wait, I used to think that but I have never been further from the truth. Always imagining that if I do not air my views nobody will judge me and everybody will possibly like me. Still, an opinion is formed by all who are present. Each of them makes it their duty to take you to their little court in the mind and sometimes in a gossip corner and dissect it all. Now i know, that it is a good thing because what they say is merely an attempt to validate their existence.

Now I know, the best way to live it is to be the best that I can be. I smile, because i have dreamt big but cowered about accomplishing those dreams. All the while telling myself that they are too big and my head is in the clouds. "come back to planet earth" I say to myself. But John L. Mason cautions me that I will never find real hapiness, I will never be fulfilled until i live my dreams. I am not doing myself justice neither am I being of any good use by being average.

I need me, to cheer me on! Get up and go for it. If you were to speak, be honest with yourself you would tell me that you are struggling with the same feeling. You are afraid of being judged by people who have no idea you gave them that position in your life. Isn't it just ridiculous that we like to hire people secretly and even promote them and let them take charge of our lives. Living life on my own terms is the best gift I can own. This way I will not care about how many people are for me or against me when i walk into a room. I will simply walk in and make a bold statement.
Split the room!

Life like a bar of Chocolate & A glass of wine

I am living my resolution and totally loving it. Having fun with friends, dancing at every opportunity, joking and laughing until my side aches never mind how mild the joke was... I have never loved life more. I am so grateful to God! everyday, I remind myself that I will live to see the Lord's goodness in this present time because the book Psalms chapter 27, verse 13 says it. And try God, He is so true to His promises, I love it! I think am dancing, just by the thought of it.

Lately, I have been living the life I always wanted... Loving myself more each day, loving my family and dancing my way into every new day... I have never been happier. I have drank more red wine, never mind its only a glass a week at most, if I took more I would be overdoing it. I have melted more chocolate in my mouth and savoring every moment of it! ooh and in the the process I learned that life is more like the two! You only have to choose to love it for it to love you back! Then, when you love it you have to strike a balance because too much of chocolate and sick! too much of wine and the rehab door will be the only one that will be good for you!

So as I dance my way into celebrating everyday of my God given chance to explore my purpose, I know for sure that I have to fold my sleeves and get to work. Keeping an account of how I spent my day suddenly gains importance. How easy it is to get busy doing nothing, at the end of the day I dodge my conscience. I refuse to think about how much I procrastinated, I refuse to see how that day went to waste because I did not make any attempt to move closer to my goal... Once in a while I get a bottle of wine for a gift, and say this gift came over christmas and even after easter I can still spot it tucked away looking as though it has only been there for a day! Deception. The fact that I did not make an attempt at getting it done does not mean it only occured to me yesterday or this morning.

So people even chocolate gifts can rot in their beautiful wrappers. I do not want my big ideas and dreams to go down that way. The same way I can not resist the bar of chocolate in my bag, I will treat my dream and big ideas.

Just like a bar of chocolate and a glass of wine and ooh don't they just go down well, TOGETHER?

Light up the world

Here I was thinking that the only permanent thing in life is change. Nothing lasts forever, or so I convinced myself. These exciting thoughts of trying to grow with every passing year have bore fruits, I have allowed myself to see life as malleable. An exciting journey of discovery. But it sometimes can be heart breaking when you realize that only you believe in this analogy, that everybody around you perceives you so wrongly for readily embracing it.

I am health freak, bad enough to count the amount of calories that I consume daily... hey! don't give me that look! Not because all I want is for everybody to be size zero, I ain't that either. I would in fact never encourage anybody to be lighter than the wind! But again I say, feed the waist and you will have to buy bigger belts. When everybody believes in genetic predisposition, I say, the genes have no idea how to be big or small... they only obey our commands they can sway in any direction as long as you show them how.

Amazingly, we all want to be better, wealthier, happier, more successful and ooh so fulfilled. But how can this be when everyday we wake up determined to fight to retain the status quo? " I have never been that person" we sometimes retort. Just because we are supposed to try something we never have...I never want to go outside and try a rain dance with my son because that is not what grownups do, I can't run, I can't change my hairstyle, I can't dress differently and just when you think that you are done with the " I Can Not" The people around you are up in arms resisting the change you have convinced yourself to make... and the cycle is endless.

An old adage goes " Be the change you want to see in the world." If I want to be treated with kindness, I have got to be kind to everybody around me. Sometimes the change I want is never about money or material things, so I go out and attempt to make that change but damn, " I can't" the bug? rears its ugly head and ruins it all. Back to Zero... I like this saying, so true, I had to borrow it!

 I resolve to be, the girl of my dreams... and hopefully that of your dream and when dreams gets realized, we light up the world!

Best of Now

Today seemed brighter than many days, waking up at the same time, doing the same things and leaving at exactly same time save for 5mins difference can become a boring routine. So I always look for something new about the day. It never disappoints. Today seemed brighter and the traffic was easier on my impatient soul...

Of all the things that crowned my morning was the realization that no day is ever the same, everyday is a season a time like no other. The trick is in savoring in its delight, knowing only too well it will sure pass. Good or bad. When a day passes it ceases to be today, it now lives in the past. A 14year old boy of last century- am not sure which years but around 1989 articulated it so well in his poem. It was a poem that appalled many, how could such a young mind think like this! But i say how could it not when all we yearn for is what we don't have and when we have it we desire what we once had and it becomes a hungry cycle of insatiable needs.

And what an eye opener Jason Lehman was in his Poem;

Present Tense

It was spring, but it was summer I wanted,
The warm days, and the great outdoors.
It was summer, but it was fall I wanted,
The colorful leaves, and the cool, dry air.
It was fall, but it was winter I wanted,
The beautiful snow, and the joy of the holiday season.
It was winter, but it was spring I wanted,
The warmth and the blossoming of nature.
I was a child, but it was adulthood I wanted,
The freedom and respect.
I was 20, but it was 30 I wanted,
To be mature, and sophisticated.
I was middle-aged, but it was 20 I wanted,
The youth and the free spirit.
I was retired, but it was middle-age I wanted,
The presence of mind without limitations.
My life was over, and I never got what I wanted.

Vanity Fair

 We are well into the new year, indeed happy that we made I made it this far, breath! But it is the things that I did, wanted to do, planned to do or did not do that made me want to relook into how I will live through the future. They say that time is the most powerful machine, so amazing that whatever you do or fail to do, time never cares... she never stops for you. It could be the D-Day of a celebration so huge that for a moment it feels like all else is at a stand still, yet she refuses to respect all this and passes by as though nothing really meaningful is taking place.

 When baby girl was born about a year and a half ago, the thought of her walking, talking and every stage of growth in between seemed far fetched but again the tick power took it toll. All i can see is a preview of a fine young woman who knows what she wants when she wants it. learning something new with every waking moment and being a subject of my study. I have often wondered when she learned to do the things that she does. Yesterday, I walked into a shoe shop to buy her a new pair, this time not the smallest shoe in the store... she had outgrown it just like the little dress that always fell below the ankles!Now a mini. Never mind that now the brother is almost my height... just the other day his father was helping him onto the bike.

As I travel through life, I realise that time will never wait for me to finish a task no matter what. I may choose to rummage through it in a hurry or Even shelf it. She will not tap me and remind me that am slowly running out of her... or wasting her. She moves on quietly but consistently knowing all too well that her toll will take on me. That tomorrow will be a reflection of all the events of yesterday, of how I made use of this powerful machine at my disposal.

I have thought about asking time for a meeting. where we seat down and agree on how we will live with each other because I feel sometimes that she is unrealistic, unfair and doesn't care. I mean how can she be when it feels like only yesterday that I was young and carefree... When I lived for the fun in my life and before i knew it she took of all to quickly like she always does. Just the other day, when it was my wedding day and all i lived for was the walk down the alter yet even that day she passed by so quickly as if unnoticed. Yet when i want her to flash off she is at her laziest, never in a hurry and here with me.

So I will not sit here and wait for her to slot me in on her speedy schedule because i know how dodgy she can be. I will plan then plan around her, take full advantage of her presence and exhaust her where I can because I know it may never come. I must make her COUNT! in every one of my task.
This morning i read about her, in Ecclesiastes 4:1, and it dawned on me... since time immemorial people have done things in her wake and put too much meaning in each of them but does any of them really count? how much do they matter when we are gone? Chasing time is in deed chasing the wind.
It is a vanity Fair I say.

Happy Thoughts

Lately, I have kept off this place. I have had so much to write about I sometimes don't even know what to write! In every single day is something new, something amazing, something that makes me fall right in love with life all over again.  It is the things I see, hear and learn from everywhere... somethings just have overwhelming lessons to draw! So I sit at the end of the day and think through them. Too many times I am lost about it all.

Love from my husband and children makes me see the finger prints of God in each of them. I am overwhelmed when I am late in the morning because I wanted to sleep for 10 more minutes and yet they wait for me albeit impatiently. This past weekend taught me ton loads of lesson. I could not believe it, so much to learn and my mind was overtaken once again! I saw the green eyed monster creeping right out of people who love, I saw malice but above all I saw love, I saw God. And for that reason my spirit went into calm mode and i moved on with life and my heart danced its way into it.

Today my husband celebrates, yet another year of blessings. So typical of me to be so excited for him as though it was mine. Over the weekend when we had his birthday surprise, I woke up so early. The excitement denied me a chance to sleep. I was over the moon... the thrill of knowing that he had no clue gave me so much energy. I did so much in so little time it makes me laugh! It was the job of containing my son that proved the hardest though. He kept asking and at some point I had to "bribe" his mouth shut. Its Saturday morning and we are on our way to town when they decide to go grab some water on our way... "ooh, what a bad idea" I shouldn't have let them go out together but it was to late so I hope that my son will not let his tongue slip, not after all the promising I did!
At the end of the day. I thanked God that we pulled it off... it worked. There he stood, in awe. We were able to celebrate this great dad and husband who has so much love in his heart sometimes I have to ask where it wells from.

Another year of love, blessings, and drawing closer to accomplishing dreams - and you will.
Happy Birthday K!

From the Foundation

I have realized how busy I have been for the last so long. Sometimes I wish for time to sleep or just bum. A week comes and passes as though it were a whirlwind! I have this to do, that errand to run and yes, so and so to meet before I realize its Saturday evening… on my way home via the market. Is all this by choice? Is it possible that I can sleep in late, wake up have breakfast at lunch everyday, if I so wished? I am still trying to find that out and more so the consequences.

This last weekend was busy as usual but the fun of meeting my husband’s extended family for an overnight gathering scared away the tired feeling that was slowly creeping in. I was elated by how his family bonded. One could hardly tell a distant cousin from an immediate one. The elder ones took the chance to give some invaluable advise to the young. These people care and love each other so much to see any of them go down the wrong road. How admirable is that! Such an amazing culture, no wonder they were all doing so well. Suddenly I realized that the picture you see of a person is a true reflection of their family values. It is hard for any of them to be shaky when they are evidently set on such a solid foundation. It dawned on me why my husband has so much love in his heart. Why he has such countless number of friends, good friends who know the value of a true friend. Who over time have counted on him and him on them. It is this foundation that has molded him into this wonderful being. Teaching him why being true to you and to the world is.

Now I understand why most people live such loveless lives. Living as though the world owed them for being in it. They move around in their combat gear… all they know is how to hate, revenge and are bitter souls trying to cut you in on a parking space. Insulting the inefficient waitress, complaining bitterly to the bank teller finding fault in everybody and endlessly doubting those who love them. I gather they are crying out for attention because they feel trapped in their loveless lives. Theirs is a foundation problem; I know so because after such a lovely Saturday night I was excited about a time with the kids at a famous monthly family function. Everything was perfectly fine until most of the teenagers who were obviously there unaccompanied started drinking and smoking away. God knows what these kids smoked because after a few hours they had turned all wild and uncontrollable. One boy was particularly notable… this boy was smart and trendy until he started falling helplessly and laughing as he rolled.

He made my heart sink, I felt sorry for him, yes sorry. Where were his parents? What kind of parents were they? Have they ever given him any kind of life lessons? Could they have allowed him unaccompanied because he would be occupied and not bother them? All those questions and more went on in my mind. I have repeated told my 8year old son that he can be anything, anything he chooses to be in the world. But should he ever choose to be a bad person, the world will be equally bad to him so he had better choose the path to being a person of good character, the reward will be obvious.

Raising a child is a challenge that intensifies with each waking day. As a parent I have no doubt that we are responsible for these little people and for who they become in life when they are grown. I just hope that each parent can raise his or her child to be the person who puts a smile on God’s face.