My Courage is Founded

It is exciting to note that many times we see faith as such a big deal. When faced with a situation, you become jittery and believing becomes a far fetched dream. I am not sure where all hope goes but believing becomes a very huge task. I once read somewhere that as human beings hope is a very big part of our mere existence. We eat, live and even sleep and wake by hope alone. Every night when I go to sleep, I am sure to set my alarm clock lest I oversleep. It never occurs to me that I could sleep and never see daylight. I still ensure that my alarm is set to wake me up at the break of dawn. 5 AM!

Weddings, family gatherings and even dates are planned on hope and faith becomes very evident but should you ask the planners to have faith that the financial needs of the material day will be met. They look at you like "slap you back to reality! We're getting to work... a fundraiser is inevitable and nothing is being left to chance." I have been caught in unbelief situations being reduced into a ball of worry and panic... such misery! Then, the time comes and the feared for happens with very little intensity or days roll by and it never happens! I get annoyed, that I never trusted God, never took time to have faith and even hope was nonexistent in the midst of the worry frenzy. Unawares, I wasted time and opportunity to look up to God without fear.

Today, I look back and say " it is indeed never that serious" A situation will occur because it was meant to occur for me to move to the next chapter of my life. I am excited to note that only God knows the future and therefore everything in it is upto Him... I will not waste today worried sick about a future I know nothing of. When I was a small girl I used to sneak into my big sister's room and take her novels. Then I would read them and never want to keep it down until it was complete. It is in these reading of "borrowed" books that I read a phrase that I remember to this day " fear makes the wolf look bigger than it really is"

I'm in God, He's in me. In Him I find peace, complete rest for my troubled stubborn soul, I am rich in ways I can not explain. My joy is compete. At times I will be sad and that is okay because He will lift my spirits and He will lead me. Turning my mourning into a dance. He will raise me that I may stand on high ground. He is my rock. He is my salvation and my true Vine.

My Own Dose of Medicine

In the last few months my son graduated with an honors in the "Know it all" specialty. There is no single thing that he feels he is not an expert in. Right from making eggs, to fixing the TV to igniting the car engine in all his 9years. I have not received this well. I want him to understand at every opportunity that his father and I and all other adults have lived for longer than that and most likely know more things than he has managed in this cool era of his digital life. And just because he knows more about mutant ninjas than his science teacher will ever hear of, it's not a guarantee that he is an information genius.Before long, his suddenly introduces "rules" that all should abide to. From putting his favorite programs on timer so that they conveniently interrupt me at news hour to "do not disturb it's sleep in late Saturday."
Before I pull can figure out the worst punishment as talking doesn't seem to help. It hits me hard, that he is totally being me at the same age. Going off to boarding and learning new sheng words my sisters and I thought that mum was the most uninformed adult walking the earth. We plotted, back biting and giggling at each other knowing all to well that she will never "gitch" any of it. Her sense of fashion was from Escrava Es-aura's age.... dark, gloomy and shadiest and there was no convincing us otherwise. Here I was, buying my son a pair of shoes which is "sooo uncool" and he refuses to wear it. Among all my other woes. Shrtly, my friends shows up ranting how the son asked her to refrain from talking "mama Mboga's language" to him. We looked at each other with retro and agreed as long as it doesn't get out hand we will enjoy paying this price and high five!

More than anybody else I know I have learned that the coolest thing is to seek advice from your parent, yes, she lives in the village... doesn't have to get up and beat traffic to the office BUT she knows so much more than I do. In practically every area of life! From living, raising, loving and ooh, she has alot of mechanical knowledge. My mom taught me how to check car oil, how to know my shocks need replacing and even changed my wipers!

Is that a clueless person? I can bet my life not. This is the knowledge that our children need, it is challenge, we must know more, see more and learn more in a day than they can in a week so that when the chance to impart it comes, we just ooze of it and benefit their little souls. Being their friend with such strict boundaries so that discipline comes first and knowledge second and friendship third. Tough Love and a life of balance we achieve! Growing people, is a lifetime career from God and walking with Him makes the experience all worth it and high five!

I'm right, My way

Here I am, inspired and confused all at the same time. Maybe I know what I want to do maybe I haven't the slightest clue. As soon as i set out to seek a mentor I come back punched and deflated, at least that is how I feel and now am beginning to understand that the world is a dance floor with millions and millions of rhythms and styles. I must set one, dance to it and then only then will I bring out my own identity. Only me can set the pace of it all. I can actually get a following of people ready to dance to my new style! How amazing a realization... in all of my 30something I have known this, yet it has never sank more clearly.

Here I am in my smart cap and ideas are rolling in, then boom! a bottleneck. For sure i must rise above it all. Aren't these what people describe as challenges? What if I rise above them... what if I let all comfort go... wouldn't I be a different person. When I write about love, about life and happiness I smile, like am doing now... no faking it. Amazing, life is good and am loving every bit of it. Fear will creep in from a tiny crack, putting worrying horrid thoughts in my head... making me a procrastinating old growing mother of two. DO I want them all grown and never able to look up to me for inspiration to carry their dreams to fruition, A big bold "NO WAY!"

I have got to get up and out, I need to, I must. Napoleon Hill how so legendary and truthful is how he put it " Fears are nothing more than a state of the mind" so this is the state I am in? When I think my idea is not good enough to implement? when I convince myself that maybe this is a wrong time? Or when I say am too busy to achieve it for now? People often mistake and quickly judge a bold person who dares stand outside of the "definition" that they have given you, sometimes when we get to know of this? We now want to strive to conform
- "what will people think of me?"
- "Everybody knows that this is not me"
- "At my age? Are you serious?"

So, I walk into the church hall last Sunday for a parenting talk... my daughter in tow, thankfully my son is all "cool and independent" not tagging along with mom. Time alone is a cool thing, for a 9year old the only other cooler thing is time alone with junk food every 2mins. All settled into the talk and I notice that everybody around me has a notebook and a pen, even writing before the facilitator is done introducing himself, I smile... "writing is kind of over rated" it's no use writing if you know you will never revisit the notes so "I will not go for a note book!" I am so attentive but even the facilitator's odd glances are not helping. OOOkey! I dash out and pick a piece of paper and a pen from the car... here I am, I missed some helpful nuggets, parenting is a serious career for serious committed people and he he! Am jogging my memory on the paper and alas! I remember all the punchlines, smiling proudly.

The one thing that caught my attention most? I learned for sure that for me to raise great, God fearing children, I must always better myself and yes, this has changed my life. Children are more like " monkey see, monkey do"  I must be intentional in my actions and deeds, it will help me move closer to my dreams and even achieve them all!

Battles Won and Battles lost

At least all success gurus I have read of have written in a place or other that the power within is what determines the happenings on the outside. Even psychologists have tried this theory and the results did not fall far from this fact. It is even said that illness is more than 50% psychological than it is physical. Interestingly, even an idea whose time has come uses the same analogy. And who could put it more subtle that the swahili's "skio la kufa haliskii dawa"

A lot of negative speak has landed in my ears from different quarters but it has all seemed drawn for a common goal. My friend has told me that dream killers are well alive and kicking and boy, have I not met many. Negatively charged people are constantly looking for a way to dispel this ever high voltage in a bid to free themselves of all the this slavery, because it is without a doubt this kind of thinking that sentences you to a mental jail of slavery.  When all you see in others is fault, never anything good. when all you see is how their features sit badly on them. Sad, bad and chained you are. It slowly starts to manifest and there you are a complete monster devouring on people's emotions, haunting their self esteem with words. We all have a human duty to impact everybody around us positively. 

I am awakened by the many writers who have written and shared words that touched and even changed the way i look at life. I am starting to believe that wisdom is not only in the depth of how much knowledge I possess but in how it impacts my life daily. While at my quest for wisdom, i have also learned that it is possible to be deemed successful and still feel inadequate. The opposite is also true. The book of Luke says it best from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Jay block in his blog http://www.personalbrandingblog.com/the-8-enemies-to-success/ put it so well. There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking at all the negative things happening, including people defects. But as we look at them it should be through healing, repairing eyes. The kind that will make good of it.

Seeking counsel is about taking that which benefits you and makes maximum use of it. I take every opportunity to borrow from the ever beaming positive leaders. The are an exceptional lot and their wisdom is open for all. The secret to their success is no secret. it is open, it is within. Through their priceless words of wisdom they have taught me that success is in built. It is hard for anything good to come if it doesn't come from within. Amazingly, even the life I live right now the life I have wanted for myself and it is the limit I have put. Should I push the bar, it will be so easy for me to just move in that direction.

Now I know, that for everything I want i must own it from the bottom of my heart. For every battle, I must purpose to win it from within me and then go out and put a seal because it will already be mine. More wisdom everyday, is it not the perfect definition of the law of attraction? Living by Napoleon Hill's wisdom nugget I know that whatever my mind conceives and believes, I will sure go out and achieve it!

Split the Room!

Ever noticed how easy it is to just live through a day unnoticed? I have... and i know for sure it does not do me any justice. It is easy and somehow comforting to never comment, complain or even compliment. I mean you just have to live around the cliched see no evil, hear no evil and you're good to go. Wait, I used to think that but I have never been further from the truth. Always imagining that if I do not air my views nobody will judge me and everybody will possibly like me. Still, an opinion is formed by all who are present. Each of them makes it their duty to take you to their little court in the mind and sometimes in a gossip corner and dissect it all. Now i know, that it is a good thing because what they say is merely an attempt to validate their existence.

Now I know, the best way to live it is to be the best that I can be. I smile, because i have dreamt big but cowered about accomplishing those dreams. All the while telling myself that they are too big and my head is in the clouds. "come back to planet earth" I say to myself. But John L. Mason cautions me that I will never find real hapiness, I will never be fulfilled until i live my dreams. I am not doing myself justice neither am I being of any good use by being average.

I need me, to cheer me on! Get up and go for it. If you were to speak, be honest with yourself you would tell me that you are struggling with the same feeling. You are afraid of being judged by people who have no idea you gave them that position in your life. Isn't it just ridiculous that we like to hire people secretly and even promote them and let them take charge of our lives. Living life on my own terms is the best gift I can own. This way I will not care about how many people are for me or against me when i walk into a room. I will simply walk in and make a bold statement.
Split the room!

Life like a bar of Chocolate & A glass of wine

I am living my resolution and totally loving it. Having fun with friends, dancing at every opportunity, joking and laughing until my side aches never mind how mild the joke was... I have never loved life more. I am so grateful to God! everyday, I remind myself that I will live to see the Lord's goodness in this present time because the book Psalms chapter 27, verse 13 says it. And try God, He is so true to His promises, I love it! I think am dancing, just by the thought of it.

Lately, I have been living the life I always wanted... Loving myself more each day, loving my family and dancing my way into every new day... I have never been happier. I have drank more red wine, never mind its only a glass a week at most, if I took more I would be overdoing it. I have melted more chocolate in my mouth and savoring every moment of it! ooh and in the the process I learned that life is more like the two! You only have to choose to love it for it to love you back! Then, when you love it you have to strike a balance because too much of chocolate and sick! too much of wine and the rehab door will be the only one that will be good for you!

So as I dance my way into celebrating everyday of my God given chance to explore my purpose, I know for sure that I have to fold my sleeves and get to work. Keeping an account of how I spent my day suddenly gains importance. How easy it is to get busy doing nothing, at the end of the day I dodge my conscience. I refuse to think about how much I procrastinated, I refuse to see how that day went to waste because I did not make any attempt to move closer to my goal... Once in a while I get a bottle of wine for a gift, and say this gift came over christmas and even after easter I can still spot it tucked away looking as though it has only been there for a day! Deception. The fact that I did not make an attempt at getting it done does not mean it only occured to me yesterday or this morning.

So people even chocolate gifts can rot in their beautiful wrappers. I do not want my big ideas and dreams to go down that way. The same way I can not resist the bar of chocolate in my bag, I will treat my dream and big ideas.

Just like a bar of chocolate and a glass of wine and ooh don't they just go down well, TOGETHER?

Light up the world

Here I was thinking that the only permanent thing in life is change. Nothing lasts forever, or so I convinced myself. These exciting thoughts of trying to grow with every passing year have bore fruits, I have allowed myself to see life as malleable. An exciting journey of discovery. But it sometimes can be heart breaking when you realize that only you believe in this analogy, that everybody around you perceives you so wrongly for readily embracing it.

I am health freak, bad enough to count the amount of calories that I consume daily... hey! don't give me that look! Not because all I want is for everybody to be size zero, I ain't that either. I would in fact never encourage anybody to be lighter than the wind! But again I say, feed the waist and you will have to buy bigger belts. When everybody believes in genetic predisposition, I say, the genes have no idea how to be big or small... they only obey our commands they can sway in any direction as long as you show them how.

Amazingly, we all want to be better, wealthier, happier, more successful and ooh so fulfilled. But how can this be when everyday we wake up determined to fight to retain the status quo? " I have never been that person" we sometimes retort. Just because we are supposed to try something we never have...I never want to go outside and try a rain dance with my son because that is not what grownups do, I can't run, I can't change my hairstyle, I can't dress differently and just when you think that you are done with the " I Can Not" The people around you are up in arms resisting the change you have convinced yourself to make... and the cycle is endless.

An old adage goes " Be the change you want to see in the world." If I want to be treated with kindness, I have got to be kind to everybody around me. Sometimes the change I want is never about money or material things, so I go out and attempt to make that change but damn, " I can't" the bug? rears its ugly head and ruins it all. Back to Zero... I like this saying, so true, I had to borrow it!

 I resolve to be, the girl of my dreams... and hopefully that of your dream and when dreams gets realized, we light up the world!