When I grow up

As a small girl I watched an advert that always ran before the seven o'clock news. I guess it was for an insurance company, in the ad children often said what they want to be when they grow up. One particular boy caught my attention because he proclaimed without a doubt that he wanted to be like his father when he grew up. For him it did not matter what career path his father had taken but that his father could never be wrong.

Fast forward and I am a big girl, still curving the path to growth. Every morning I wake up and seek the drive that will see me through the day and bring out  better person at dusk than I was at dawn. It is futile to look if all you see is nothing, you are better off with your eyes shut. It is possible to learn something new even if you have walked the same path everyday for ten years but only if you set out to. This fact has not spared me, hence the need for me to open my inner eyes that I may see something that will draw me nearer to my grown up self. 

Everyday I have been challenged to pick something new from every quarter, it could be that little person in my "study of little people" or a grown person who has chosen a path that has obviously led them to their present. Recently, I spent the evening with a visionary little person, this boy commuted everyday to and from school in such a hustle. He woke up at 5am and often went without breakfast to beat traffic, connected two matts and the story was no different in the evening needless mention that at the end of the year he will have a national exam to sit. This he narrated to me with so much enthusiasm. He went on to tell me how excited he was because next year he will go to boarding school like his elder brother and eventually become a lawyer... that is who he wants to be when he grows up. I was awed and challenged all at once. As we parted ways I went away deep in thought.

Here I am, all set to for my daily audit of the events that have transpired and their impact on my life for the day. You see, growth is a long winding road with all sorts of distractions and it is easy to feel like you are the end when you are barely started. There are times I have felt lost or lost the desire to carry on. I wonder how normal this is. Every morning I get up and pray that my person will set the stage and I can hopefully cover the distance I require to draw nearer. In my quest, I have wanted to be one person and that is my  CEO, an amazing woman with a heart of gold and ooh, hasn't she traveled the road of life. This amazing lady fetes accolades one after another. Just when we think she is done growing another feather on her hat! Someday I plan to ask her whether she is "grown up" and if not, what is the one place that she sees herself at as a "grown up"? So I settled, eyes on the prize and striving to become. 

This morning, I read about a lot of leaders who have transformed the face of many sectors that hold this country together, did I mention that my CEO is one of them? Yes, I work with influential leaders, he he. As I went through these peculiar people's profiles, I met with one man, he touched my heart and moved my spirit. There I was all in tears at the end of his profile. I was humbled, that a human being of such high caliber has chosen to fold his sleeves and get right down to the business of improving the lives of poor village people whose own government has turned its back on. He has mobilized the corporate citizen and raised fund in tunes of billions to feed the hungry. He has adopted a small village school and educated over half a million children and he is not finished yet!

People, if there is a person to be when I grow up, it has got to be him!

Events Unfolding

For the last three days or so, Mike and I have experienced a near displacement thanks to baby girl. And am talking bed displacement.  But I think this little sweet princess saw an opportunity and grabbed it. She had been down with a fever since Thursday last week, sometimes so bad that we had to rush her to hospital in the middle of the night! Meanwhile, the whole house was empathetic. For me, the worst sight to bear is that of a sick baby.

Every time baby girl wanted to be held or a toy, we were at her beck and call. At times she cried for things that she should not have with a special preference to phones and remote controls. On we went, to pains just so she can be comfortable and get well sooner. Little didn't we know of the monster we were creating of her. Slowly but surely it turned into a manipulation tactic. A few screams and here you go baby... The night was not spared either. Whenever she made a slight sound I jumped and picked her up in a record time. After a few picks I decided to let her "borrow" space in our bed. Such a mistake! Baby girl moved in officially and any attempts at putting her back to her crib was met with a tantrum, in the middle of the night! replaying the episodes for three consecutive nights. All the while we are squeezed in a corner as she spreads herself on the bed as if she owns it!

For fear of crushing her delicate body, we let it happen. Morning came I was numb from lying on one side. By day three, we had had it so last night we plotted against her, in our plot it was agreed that no matter how much or how long she scream she will stay in her bed unless she's due for a feed... sure enough the screams came, three times a lull and back. When morning came, I was over the moon "It worked, it worked" I danced my way to the bathroom through morning preps and out!

Huh, now I know, a baby is only as wise as her little brain.

These seasons

It is often said that life is full of seasons, plenty of them. What we never hear in detail is the intensity and the depth of each. A prolonged period of any season will usually elicit feelings, never mind their nature. I have undergone a season of plenty myself even though am still not sure of how I should feel about it.

Is it because I am your usual girl? I am a young mother, a wife and a striving career woman? I drive a small car, so small that sometimes I worry the wind might overturn it. Just before I throw a pity party it is announced that I will have to pay more at the pump if I have to keep my 'smallie' on the road. This calls for urgent budgetary rearrangement. So I summon myself for a mkutano wa dharura. In the end the verdict is obvious, some days I will have to take a matt to work, most days starting tomorrow morning!

I get to work, no drama whatsoever, fast forward and its home time. The rain must have been on a timer because by 5.00pm it is pouring as though the heavens are pissed. Armed with my umbrella, I am half running half walking to the bus stop. I hop on to the next available matt as it speeds off. Only this time the traffic is so bad the kange announces " Mwisho, Mwisho." I ask "kwanini?" "Heh! Madam hatuwezi enda hii traffic ni mezesha, shika pesa yako." pushing a 20/- coin on my hand. I stand there for a while without seeing any matt and  I decide to walk on, Skipping and hopping to avoid the floods on the road. As I get to a very flooded corner, a bus charges onto me full speed and honking. I make what I thought was a quick calculated step only to dive right into the pool! As if that is not all the bus gives me a thorough head to toe wash! I am raving mad but I still brave the walk. A few metres down I finally catch another matt and head home.
As I approach the compound I notice how unusually dark it is. No, not again! by this time, I am freezing to the core so I dash inside the house if only to grab a hot shower. Only to find everybody in pitch darkness and as though that is not enough, the taps are dry wow! I don't even get to clean myself of the roadside dirt! Anyway, proceed to change my clothes and sink into the couch thinking... "It could have been worse!"

Travelling back

A popular saying goes " If you never travel you think that your mother is the best cook." This I have learned from the most unexpected quarters. For some reason or mother instinct, I have taken time to observe children, big, small. These little people live life, as though they are doing so for a higher cause. I  was like that until I let the toils of life flip me over. I dreamt big and I loved it... back in the village we had this plush greenery where cows grazed in the afternoon. Breath taking space it was, my sisters and I lay there face up, watching the sky trying to spot "animals" in the clouds. No care in the world!

Through my "little people study" I have had the pleasure of traveling back in time and am savoring in it. Why won't I when a little boy stands in church and prays vehemently, this boy has traveled to a unique place where only he and His God exist. And so he spills it all so boldly. Quoting scriptures and all. "Impressive, I want that" I say to myself and quickly move on and back into my life.

Monday morning and I am still deeply absorbed trying to focus. Alas! another one of my " little people" this time crossing the road beside me with her brother. A big bus coming onto us full speed doesn't seem to shake a hair in her. As we walk on, I notice that these little people are on their way to school. I inquire curiously "Which school is this?" From the name I realize that they still have a KM or so to take down. Through roads and traffic human or otherwise. Still, they move with immense determination. the shoes seem to hurt because they must be two sizes smaller that her little feet yet she walks so briskly. The skimpy shorts her brother has on must freeze his little tushy sorry but has he complained? not one bit. We split ways anyhow and life goes on for the rest of the day, pretty fast.

As I catch my matt back home another one! this time a colourful teenager who decides to juggle a soccer ball so skillfully he should be rolling in the international circles. I refuse to explore that topic because I can't even tell a British team from an American one. But one thing is for sure. These little people know life and how to live it more than any adult has.

So I set out to reclaim those days and hope to be back with a success story!

Reflections of love

Today I look through the window of life, my life. All I is see how far I have grown just by being a mother. How phenomenal this stage in my life has been. With the birth of each child I have been born, each time they have celebrated a milestone, I have been humbled, knowing that as a mother I live for such moments. One thing that has continually made me feel like a medal winner is the look on those little joyous faces; I now know why my mother gave life to nine of us and never once complained or made a fuss. We made her so content, each of us gave her a reason to have one more!

Well, I cannot boldly say that I have as much grace as she did, so I choose to keep mine at a meager third of that it’s not a contest and I am not trying to outdo her because I will fail ooh, so terribly. Kudos mom!  Hey, you can bet that I will still turn when a child calls out “mom” in church never mind that that child may not be mine or mine may be long gone.

Of babies and their unusual ways of complimenting! Here I am all dressed and rushing out before traffic gets too bad as it always does in the hours after seven. Typical of me, pick up baby girl for a good day kiss and hug... I never get enough of those but she has her unique ways of self expression.  I feel a sudden wetness on my neck but I still go with the cuddling and put her back to her nest. A final look in the mirror and Burp!

Meanwhile, the elder brother awaits his turn on the corridor. And his are verbal compliments that leave a memorable smile lingering on. The utterance of such innocent words as “mother Knows best” even when I look like I haven’t the slightest clue. This will normally happen when I prepare his favorites or when I bend the rules for him.

There is this nagging question that never will leave a good mother’s side “Am I a good mom?” It has a timely habit of popping up after a discipline session because then you wonder “was I too lenient? Did I overdo it?” Worse still “will it work for the good?” I have in many instances delved into this debate all by myself. In the end I have found comfort in the words “the fact that I worry over whether I am a good mom or not is an indicator that I am actually good at what I do. More so knowing that God has it all covered. I fret not.

And so my praises and love for this 24hour/ 365 days job, I declare. It is comparable to none. I never would want a day off lest I miss out on any of the joys all I want is more knowledge to reinvent my skill and the wisdom to derive more joy from it every day for a very long time.

 Mother's day Love!!