We are well into the new year, indeed happy that we made I made it this far, breath! But it is the things that I did, wanted to do, planned to do or did not do that made me want to relook into how I will live through the future. They say that time is the most powerful machine, so amazing that whatever you do or fail to do, time never cares... she never stops for you. It could be the D-Day of a celebration so huge that for a moment it feels like all else is at a stand still, yet she refuses to respect all this and passes by as though nothing really meaningful is taking place.
When baby girl was born about a year and a half ago, the thought of her walking, talking and every stage of growth in between seemed far fetched but again the tick power took it toll. All i can see is a preview of a fine young woman who knows what she wants when she wants it. learning something new with every waking moment and being a subject of my study. I have often wondered when she learned to do the things that she does. Yesterday, I walked into a shoe shop to buy her a new pair, this time not the smallest shoe in the store... she had outgrown it just like the little dress that always fell below the ankles!Now a mini. Never mind that now the brother is almost my height... just the other day his father was helping him onto the bike.
As I travel through life, I realise that time will never wait for me to finish a task no matter what. I may choose to rummage through it in a hurry or Even shelf it. She will not tap me and remind me that am slowly running out of her... or wasting her. She moves on quietly but consistently knowing all too well that her toll will take on me. That tomorrow will be a reflection of all the events of yesterday, of how I made use of this powerful machine at my disposal.
I have thought about asking time for a meeting. where we seat down and agree on how we will live with each other because I feel sometimes that she is unrealistic, unfair and doesn't care. I mean how can she be when it feels like only yesterday that I was young and carefree... When I lived for the fun in my life and before i knew it she took of all to quickly like she always does. Just the other day, when it was my wedding day and all i lived for was the walk down the alter yet even that day she passed by so quickly as if unnoticed. Yet when i want her to flash off she is at her laziest, never in a hurry and here with me.
So I will not sit here and wait for her to slot me in on her speedy schedule because i know how dodgy she can be. I will plan then plan around her, take full advantage of her presence and exhaust her where I can because I know it may never come. I must make her COUNT! in every one of my task.
This morning i read about her, in Ecclesiastes 4:1, and it dawned on me... since time immemorial people have done things in her wake and put too much meaning in each of them but does any of them really count? how much do they matter when we are gone? Chasing time is in deed chasing the wind.
It is a vanity Fair I say.
