I'm right, My way

Here I am, inspired and confused all at the same time. Maybe I know what I want to do maybe I haven't the slightest clue. As soon as i set out to seek a mentor I come back punched and deflated, at least that is how I feel and now am beginning to understand that the world is a dance floor with millions and millions of rhythms and styles. I must set one, dance to it and then only then will I bring out my own identity. Only me can set the pace of it all. I can actually get a following of people ready to dance to my new style! How amazing a realization... in all of my 30something I have known this, yet it has never sank more clearly.

Here I am in my smart cap and ideas are rolling in, then boom! a bottleneck. For sure i must rise above it all. Aren't these what people describe as challenges? What if I rise above them... what if I let all comfort go... wouldn't I be a different person. When I write about love, about life and happiness I smile, like am doing now... no faking it. Amazing, life is good and am loving every bit of it. Fear will creep in from a tiny crack, putting worrying horrid thoughts in my head... making me a procrastinating old growing mother of two. DO I want them all grown and never able to look up to me for inspiration to carry their dreams to fruition, A big bold "NO WAY!"

I have got to get up and out, I need to, I must. Napoleon Hill how so legendary and truthful is how he put it " Fears are nothing more than a state of the mind" so this is the state I am in? When I think my idea is not good enough to implement? when I convince myself that maybe this is a wrong time? Or when I say am too busy to achieve it for now? People often mistake and quickly judge a bold person who dares stand outside of the "definition" that they have given you, sometimes when we get to know of this? We now want to strive to conform
- "what will people think of me?"
- "Everybody knows that this is not me"
- "At my age? Are you serious?"

So, I walk into the church hall last Sunday for a parenting talk... my daughter in tow, thankfully my son is all "cool and independent" not tagging along with mom. Time alone is a cool thing, for a 9year old the only other cooler thing is time alone with junk food every 2mins. All settled into the talk and I notice that everybody around me has a notebook and a pen, even writing before the facilitator is done introducing himself, I smile... "writing is kind of over rated" it's no use writing if you know you will never revisit the notes so "I will not go for a note book!" I am so attentive but even the facilitator's odd glances are not helping. OOOkey! I dash out and pick a piece of paper and a pen from the car... here I am, I missed some helpful nuggets, parenting is a serious career for serious committed people and he he! Am jogging my memory on the paper and alas! I remember all the punchlines, smiling proudly.

The one thing that caught my attention most? I learned for sure that for me to raise great, God fearing children, I must always better myself and yes, this has changed my life. Children are more like " monkey see, monkey do"  I must be intentional in my actions and deeds, it will help me move closer to my dreams and even achieve them all!